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Ask Kerry: Family Meditation Q & A Column 1. April 25, 2008
Question: Family meditation sounds great, but I can't help feeling that it's slightly off to make my children meditate. It reminds me of being forced to go to church every Sunday as a kid. Answer: Yes, I had the same experience. But we need to be careful not to confuse meditation with religion. Meditation can complement any religious practice, or it can stand on its own, but it isn't a religion in itself. Meditation is simply a great way to de-stress, slow down and become fully present.
Q: What if my child is too restless to meditate?
A: You shouldn't really expect children to be able to sit for ten whole minutes until they're about eight or even older. By the time they're nine or ten, though, they should be able to contain themselves. I've found in my Rites of Passage courses for eight-year-olds that the kids are quite capable of it; the trick is in getting them to try it without a negative attitude. Once they've decided they want to try it, they just do it without thinking twice. Even the most restless child can slowly, bit by bit, learn to slow down and settle in with themselves. Be patient and resourceful, and don't give up! If you're talking about younger children, see if you can work with them, encouraging them to sit quietly for as long as they can, then let them wander in and out of the sacred space until they're ready to settle down again. They'll keep trying, if you continue to work with them on it. These days we hear alot about various attention deficit disorders. The truth is, our entire society has attention deficit disorder! Thanks to technology, we are constantly being entertained in one form or another, so we never learn to slow down. No wonder our children can't be still. Some of them are actually insulted we would suggest such a thing. So, please, for the whole family's sake, experiment with new approaches and give daily family meditation a serious try.
Q: What if one parent doesn't meditate?
A: I've worked with a couple of families like that. In both cases, the spouse who did meditate invited the other parent to join in, just to see, and in both cases they enjoyed the family meditation experience and decided to keep it up.
But be careful. You don't want to be heavy-handed and insist on it. Just warmly invite them to give it a try. If you think about it, it's hard to overlook the benefits of practicing being peaceful as a family. And what we found was that, instead of regarding it as yet another thing that had to be done, everyone actually ended up looking forward to the family meditation sessions - they were a pleasure! Do you have a question for Kerry?
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